Budget travel may be the most exciting way to save money; After a two dollar bus ride up the Ganges you might find yourself dancing in the shimmering moonlight or facing a disgusting toilet in candle light. One dollar you spend next to the Mekong may buy you one of the best meals you have ever had or a night battling bed-bugs. For less money than it costs to buy strir-fry in the States you can spend a day on a Thai beach.

If you are interested, the following are the three basic steps.

1) Settle Your Accounts

Even when you are away there are bills to pay. From health insurance to monthly payments on your storage unit, money usually still needs to keep flowing back home. Some people convince a very trustworthy friend to keep an eye on things. I prefer to have things directly deducted from my checking account. Either way, make sure your health insurance payments are made on time.

2) Wander The World

South America and Southeast Asia are long-time favorites of the budget traveler. You may find a vibrant, colorful, delicious world…that happens to offer a very good exchange rate. But, no place is perfect for everyone. Plan to wander. Then linger in the places you really enjoy.

Creative Commons picture by judepics.

3) Learn

Learn how to speak Thai. Try your hand at organic farming. You could even do field research on sea turtles.

1) Service Fee

It is not uncommon for Italian restaurant to charge for simply sitting at a table. In a sense you rent that little square meter of real estate. In my experience, service charges are around two euros per person.

Finding this on the bill has surprised quite a few Americans. Many of us are pretty used to the custom of paying “whatever I thought your service was worth.” But, in Italy many incredible restaurants are forced to operate out of small basement flats. The number of people they are able to seat (and thus how much business they can do) is limited by how willing drivers are to swerve around the tables they put in the road. These tables are only slightly less valuable than their reputation. By charging to use them the restaurateur is able to encourage people to watch where they sit and consider ordering to take away.

2) Drinks

You are expected to buy a drink. This makes less sense to me than the service fee. Complimentary water is about as common as alligator burgers and if you order water you will get (and be charged for) bottled water. If you want liquid, you must pay.

My attempts to order tap water were usually the beginning of a bad relationship between me and my waiter. I get a quick “no” and he gets the impression that he will be feeding a cheapskate.

3) Tipping

OK, so here is a part where you pay less at an Italian restaurant than an American one. The 15% or so tip that is common in the US is rarely done here. If there is a service fee, don’t tip. You already paid for service. If there isn’t a service fee, tips are sometimes left in the 5% range. All in all you usually just pay about what they ask you to.

In the previous SimplyLeave.com article we went over how to transport your money in such a way that it vanishes, now let’s look at three money-toting methods that encourage it’s persistence.

Creative Commons picture by infomatique.

3) Money Belt

Your crotch is pretty high on the list of “areas of your body that you instinctively protect.” Why not use your instincts to your advantage? When you carry money near your genitals, you will be surprised how fast you react to someone try to grab it.

Don’t use if:

You put ALL your money in there. It is embarrassing to have to root around in your crotch when you want to buy that candy bar in the airport. You can get arrested for that in some places.

Even beyond your pride, reach into your money belt all the time sacrifices one of it’s main advantages: that people don’t know you are keeping your money by the baby maker.

You are usually better off if you carry the things you will need frequently somewhere else.

2) Inside Your Boot (Under That Little Insert)

Inside your boot and under your foot is one of the most inaccessible non-body-cavity options you have. This inaccessibility is your shoe-safe’s biggest asset. I don’t even have to mention that you shouldn’t keep your short term money there. You just aren’t going to. Plus, imagine being a thief tasked with getting your fingers in there without the “mark” noticing. You would need an event more distracting than everyone else wearing see through clothes.

A plastic bag around your money is suggested.

Don’t use if:

You are transporting a faberge egg instead of paper money.

1) Credit

There are few things more secure than a worthless piece of plastic that provides only you with money. If someone else wants it enough to threaten you, give it to them. By US law you are only liable for $50 of unauthorized credit card charges. Many credit card companies even exceed this required level of protection and don’t hold you liable for any such charges. It does help the company if you let them know your card was stolen though.

Don’t use if:

You are headed to those remanding parts of the world that don’t accept credit. These are places like rural china and the drive in movie theater near my apartment here in the states.

Creative Commons picture by gruntzooki.

3) In An Open Purse, in Cash

A big wad of cash loosely stuck in an open purse is like a big red button with a sign that says “do not push.” Previously honest people will be tempted. Those who have spent the last few years working at a boring job will wonder if they could get away from it. Even a devout monk would get a rush of adrenaline looking at it. It is just so easy.

Extra points if:

You only hold one side of the purse, so gravity seductively pulls it open.

2) Cash Taped to Your Elbow

I have no idea how you would end up with cash taped to your elbow. But, I have a feeling that the story about why you have money taped to your elbow is worth far more than the actual money you could lose. As a result, I’m not wholly against this situation.

Extra points if:

You walk up to strangers, say numbers and expectantly wait for them to tell you if that is the amount you have taped to your elbow.

1) Ask a Stranger To Carry Some Cash For You

Truthfully this is just a somewhat mean donation. On the plus side you get to choose who gets the money. This way you can be reasonably confident that the person who gets it needs it. Unfortunately this particular donation comes with a side of guilt and a dash of shame.

Extra points if:

You tell them they have an “honest face” before you ask them to carry your money.

Some think the best tip-insult is to not leave a tip. Rookie mistake. There are many countries where this is the norm. This is the polite way to deal with good service. In those situations, it is clearly a bad insult.

I know, for us tip-happy Americans it seems crazy. In some parts of the world people charge exactly the amount of money they want.

1 – Insult With a Large Tip in Japan

If you want to anger a service worker in Japan, leave a large tip. Twenty percent will probably be enough to shock them into a memorable state of irritation. A tip implies that they will only do their job correctly when given extra money. In some situations it also implies that the tipper now owns a part of the enterprise they tipped and expect to receive a percentage of the income every month. OK, I made that last one up.

The point is that tipping in Japan is an insult with finesse.

2 – Insult by Omitting a Tip in Chile

Not leaving a tip in a restaurant used to actually be a crime. I’m not talking in a metaphorical way either. There was a law against not tipping at least 10% at restaurants. Modern mean people need not fret though, that law was repealed in 1981. As far as I know, it is now completely legal to comment on the poor quality of an establishment’s waitstaff by not leaving a tip.

3 – Insult with a Very Small Tip in Germany

When seen from an American viewpoint the German standard tip of 5-10% doesn’t seem like much. However, it still leaves room to give below-par tips.

Now you might be thinking “well 0% is below 5%.” But, that would be too low. A small tip is more of an insult than no tip at all. I’m not sure why. It has something to do with either the Battle of Teutoburg Forest or the general notion that a small tip is an explicit rebuke while no tip could just be forgetfulness.

4 – Insult by Tipping a US Government Official

This is probably the most dangerous tip-based-insult mentioned here. Technically it is seen as a bribe and could get you thrown in jail. However, if done properly, you’ll probably be fine.

I would suggest not trying to tip a police officer. At the very least try another government official for your first technical bribe. For example, you could develop your talents with a post office worker. You know, someone who doesn’t have the authority to arrest you.

Creative Commons picture by ryan.dowd.

If You Aren’t Totally Mean You Can Use This Information for Good

It is worth noting that the knowledge needed to practice the dark art of tip-sulting is actually neither good nor bad. Knowledge of the standard tip in a particular place can be used for good. With this information you could compliment the service at numerous establishments…or insult people with various sums of money. Your choice.

I, for one, am very reluctant to use this knowledge to insult people. It just seems too mean. Even if I did get bad service.

Properly budgeting a trip is important…like…whoa.

To help you prepare for your next trip to Rome and Florence I have created this generic budget with some “ballpark figures.”

• Expenses
  • Hotel/hostel (8 nights) —- € 320
  • Breakfast (8 breakfasts) — € 64
  • Running Shoes ————- € 50
  • Nude Suit ——————– € 30
  • Snap off warm-up pants — € 30
  • Lunch (9 Lunches) ——— € 90
  • Colosseum entrance fee — € 10
  • Fake-Streaking the Colosseum – 0
  • Train ticket from Rome to Florence – € 50
  • Dinners (9 Dinners) ——- € 135
  • Fake streaking near The Duomo – 0
  • Entrance fee for 4 other museums – € 60
  • Donations (5) —————- € 30
    • for places w/o entrance fees (churches & such)
  • Skype ————————- € 3
  • Roman Centurion’s Sword (replica) — € 200
  • Bribe for customs agent on way home — € 500
  • Bail —————————- € 1000
• Income
  • Selling 200 signed pictures of streaking the colosseum – €1000
  • Signing and selling the nude suit — {Like a Gazillion}
• Total — Actually make € 6