Method

Chatting with the people you meet during your travels can be one of the most rewarding parts of any trip. Other travelers can have a lot of experience, and people in other parts of the world can explain perspectives that are very different from those you might find back home. Here is quick guide for conquering your initial fear and starting a conversation.

1 - The Weather

Creative Commons picture by extranoise.

As blasé as it may sound, talking about the weather actually works. The weather is something that we all experience, are all influenced by, and usually don’t blamed on strangers. A quick “I’m glad it is such a nice day” or “wow, I wasn’t expecting that rain” is a nice non-aggressive opener.  It is so good at starting conversations that I sometimes wonder if all of human society would fall apart without such a topic.

Disadvantage

You can get trapped in a conversation doldrum. Once the ice is broken you are still miles from other topics.

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If you travel a lot, you might as well accept it. At some point your bags will get delayed, and possibly lost altogether. Now that you have come to peace with this fact, you can focus on lessening the sinking feeling of standing by an empty luggage carousel. Before you leave, put some of your essential stuff in the bags of your traveling companions. The stuff you put in friend’s bags will help you last until the airlines find your bag.

Creative Commons picture by mel e mo.

If your bag gets on that airport conveyor belt enough, it will eventually not return on time. It is one of those unavoidable risks of air travel. However, airlines rarely simultaneously lose two people’s bags, and they are even less likely to lose four people’s bags at once. If you have a set of underwear in all four bags, the chances are pretty good that you will not have to immediately go shopping.

If you are traveling with some buddies, cross-packing is one of the best way to avoid those embarrassing “I have no clothes” situations. Before you head to the airport just swap some of your essential stuff with your friends. As an addend benefit, it will probably make them more sympathetic when your suitcase doesn’t show up in the baggage claim.
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Tipping Truth - There is no universal tip-based insult

Some think the best tip-insult is to not leave a tip. Rookie mistake. There are many countries where this is the norm. This is the polite way to deal with good service. In those situations, it is clearly a bad insult.

I know, for us tip-happy Americans it seems crazy. In some parts of the world people charge exactly the amount of money they want.

1 - Insult With a Large Tip in Japan

If you want to anger a service worker in Japan, leave a large tip. Twenty percent will probably be enough to shock them into a memorable state of irritation. A tip implies that they will only do their job correctly when given extra money. In some situations it also implies that the tipper now owns a part of the enterprise they tipped and expect to receive a percentage of the income every month. OK, I made that last one up.

The point is that tipping in Japan is an insult with finesse.

2 - Insult by Omitting a Tip in Chile

Not leaving a tip in a restaurant used to actually be a crime. I’m not talking in a metaphorical way either. There was a law against not tipping at least 10% at restaurants. Modern mean people need not fret though, that law was repealed in 1981. As far as I know, it is now completely legal to comment on the poor quality of an establishment’s waitstaff by not leaving a tip.

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Creative Commons picture by David Paul Ohmer.

Properly budgeting a trip is important…like…whoa.

To help you prepare for your next trip to Rome and Florence I have created this generic budget with some “ballpark figures.”

• Expenses
  • Hotel/hostel (8 nights) —- € 320
  • Breakfast (8 breakfasts) — € 64
  • Running Shoes ————- € 50
  • Nude Suit ——————– € 30
  • Snap off warm-up pants — € 30
  • Lunch (9 Lunches) ——— € 90
  • Colosseum entrance fee — € 10
  • Fake-Streaking the Colosseum - 0
  • Train ticket from Rome to Florence - € 50
  • Dinners (9 Dinners) ——- € 135
  • Fake streaking near The Duomo - 0
  • Entrance fee for 4 other museums - € 60
  • Donations (5) —————- € 30
    • for places w/o entrance fees (churches & such)
  • Skype ————————- € 3
  • Roman Centurion’s Sword (replica) — € 200
  • Bribe for customs agent on way home — € 500
  • Bail —————————- € 1000
• Income
  • Selling 200 signed pictures of streaking the colosseum - €1000
  • Signing and selling the nude suit — {Like a Gazillion}
• Total — Actually make € 6

Creative Commons picture by mark.woodbury.Let’s face it; when traveling, your actual nationality can get you into fights. Once you accept this, you have three options:

1. Get really good at fighting
2. Lose fights
3. Pretend to be Canadian

The fist option is hard and the second just sucks. So here are three ways to pretend to be Canadian:

Be Polite

Yep, it is a stereotype. Just what others will be using to judge if you are actually Canadian. So fill those well-insulated boots my friend. Remember your please and thank yous. You can even bow if you get the urge. People will recognize the intent even in cultures that don’t normally do that.

Say “eh” a lot

I bet you already know how to use this all-purpose-word. It is easier than you think. The most important and distinctly Canadian way to use “eh” is in the place of “you get it?”. Like “I’m Canadian, eh, so I have no reason to fight any of you.”

Wear maple leaf stuff

Like a trucker hat with the maple leaf symbol on it. Having a maple leaf on your bag makes your eh’s more convincing. Having it on your shirt makes you look innocent. Standing in a sand outline of the maple leaf protects you from the evil-eye.

Do you know why batman is so cool? Even beyond the “johnny cash with a secret identity and customized weapons” mystique. Batman decided he wanted to become more knowledgeable about the world, to learn the techniques of distant lands, and the ways of foreign cultures. Then he left on a trip around the world to do just that. He did it. “Screw the giant mansion with a butler and a swimming pool filled with champaign, I have a world to discover.”

We at Simply Leave have decided to find the facts you need to take a trip like batman’s, then mixing those facts with some funny lies. You might be able to tell the difference.