Now that we have established how cheap airfare has become (My God!), we can talk about how you can get some of that sweet sweet honey. Plane tickets are not like most other services. When the normal laws of economics get within range of the airline’s reason-distorting glare, they ball up in fear.

Here are three quick tips to help you navigate your next airfare purchase. After all, tickets are cheap (My God!).

1) Watch for deals

Here is where your flexibility and willingness to go anywhere that is both cool and not dangerous can save you some serious bank. Though airfare is “My God!” cheap, it isn’t cheap everywhere all the time.

For example check out this list of deals. Right now you can buy a round trip ticket from New York to London for $90 (My God!). See, I only know that because of that deal section. I also know that it is a little misleading because fees and taxes will add hundreds of dollars. However, it is still cheap.

2) Time your purchase right

Much like eating a peach, there is a fine art to biting into airfare at just the right time. If you do it too early you can end up with an overly crunch somewhat tasteless fare. However, if you are too patient and wait too long you will get a somewhat spoiled kind of revolting fare. The goal is to buy your ticket at just the right time. Right after the airlines start panicking about not selling enough tickets yet before the last minute buyers start panicking about not having tickets.

In all honesty, I am really bad at this art. In response, I often refer to the number-based farecast.com approach. They try to help you figure out the best time to buy. Luckily, they provide this service even if you don’t buy through them.

3) Consider the quirks of the airlines

In what sort of strange world is it cheaper to buy more? I’m not talking in a salesman-ese “cost per unit” sense either. I’m talking absolutely cheaper. Airlines.

Sometimes buying the round trip is cheaper than the one way, even if you only want to go one way. Unfortunately, airlines can also raise the price of tickets to certain cities if they see a rise in search traffic. Yup, this is what airlines can do to reasonable economics.

There are several of these quirks and paying any significant amount of attention to them is probably too paranoid. However, I swear I have seem airline prices go up hundreds of dollars when I search for a specific destination and date on several different sites. Plus, worrying about this matches my tinfoil hat perfectly.

Creative Commons picture by Chrispitality.

Creative Commons picture by twodolla.

The Power of Such Knowledge

Find the shortest security line

The TSA website estimates the wait time for each terminal and section of gates. Getting separate estimates for the security line at the A gates and the one at the B gates is more valuable than one might at first think.

In most airports the different gate sections are connected by walkways. Assisted by TSA’s estimate of wait time you can see if you would be better off going through the C gate security checkpoint and then walking around to the A Gates. This could give you an extra half hour to spend with a cinnabun rather than standing around in the security line.

Arrive at the airport just in time

If you don’t like sitting around at the airport, you can time your arrival so there is just enough time to make it through security and catch your flight.

Sure, this significantly increases your risk of something going wrong and missing the flight. However, sometimes that is a risk worth taking.

Possible flaws in the website

Holidays

This website doesn’t seem to compensate for holidays and other times of heavy air traffic. Which, if correct, seems like a big flaw. When the security lines are most likely to cause a problem, this website will be least suited to help you avoid such problems.

Just the line

Aside from the line there is also the time you spend frantically taking of your belt, shoes, and unpacking your computer. However, only the time you spend in the line seems to be included in the website.

Live information

Granted, this website is designed to help people estimate what their wait will be like. However, the website doesn’t seem to display what the wait is now. This live information could be both interesting and useful (especially on holidays).

Oh the potential of this information

The TSA has made a valuable step in the right direction. However, more timely data could really help. Rather than just estimates, telling people what the wait is like right now could have many uses.

If posted in the airport, live information could also help decrease overall wait time by encouraging people to spread out among the different security checkpoints.

Creative Commons picture by wili_hybrid.

The FAA sort of does this too

The FAA also has a page that displays similar information. The FAA’s site shows how far behind airplanes are running at various airports. Such information allows you to see how long you may have to wait on an airplane before it takes off.

Luckily the FAA seems to post much more current information than the TSA.

Budget travel may be the most exciting way to save money; After a two dollar bus ride up the Ganges you might find yourself dancing in the shimmering moonlight or facing a disgusting toilet in candle light. One dollar you spend next to the Mekong may buy you one of the best meals you have ever had or a night battling bed-bugs. For less money than it costs to buy strir-fry in the States you can spend a day on a Thai beach.

If you are interested, the following are the three basic steps.

1) Settle Your Accounts

Even when you are away there are bills to pay. From health insurance to monthly payments on your storage unit, money usually still needs to keep flowing back home. Some people convince a very trustworthy friend to keep an eye on things. I prefer to have things directly deducted from my checking account. Either way, make sure your health insurance payments are made on time.

2) Wander The World

South America and Southeast Asia are long-time favorites of the budget traveler. You may find a vibrant, colorful, delicious world…that happens to offer a very good exchange rate. But, no place is perfect for everyone. Plan to wander. Then linger in the places you really enjoy.

Creative Commons picture by judepics.

3) Learn

Learn how to speak Thai. Try your hand at organic farming. You could even do field research on sea turtles.

4) Board and Disembark Swiftly

This Helps you Avoid:

Missing your train -or- Ending up in the wrong town

Explanation

In order to keep things moving, the trains stop for just long enough to let people jump on and off. Usually this means the train will be there for just a few minutes before heading on it’s way. At some of the smaller stations the train may only stop for 60 seconds.

Creative Commons picture by …†∆†¡∆µ∆ .

3) You Can Often Stash Stuff Behind Your Seat

This Helps you Avoid:

Lifting your airline-carry-on-size bag over a strangers head only to realize that it doesn’t stand a chance of fitting up there.

Explanation:

I don’t know why, but the overhead storage space on many of these trains is only big enough to store something about the size of a….head. If your bag is bigger than you noggin, try to snag one of the behind the seat spots. I missed them because they didn’t seem like they were designed for bags. Bags slide into these spots easily and don’t slide out until you want them to. Plus: no lifting.

2) Look Out for Pickpockets

This Helps you Avoid:

Waiting to get a replacement passport while calling all your banks

Explanation

It sucks to get pick-pocketed. These trains are often dense enough to give a pickpocket cover. Not to mention that you are probably carrying some valuable stuff when you travel. Luckily, most pickpockets can be foiled by keeping your wallet in a zipped pocket or looking really tough. I use a zipped pocket.

1) Validate Your Ticket

This Helps you Avoid:

Rather Hefty Fines

Explanation:

Before boarding your train you are required to validate your ticket by sticking it into one of the little yellow boxes on the platform. The box will just print a time stamp on your ticket. This shows that you aren’t trying to use your ticket for train ride after train ride. If you are caught using a not-yet-validated ticket, you can face some seriously annoying fines.

Bonus tip:

If the train may be crowded, consider getting a reservation with your ticket

This Helps you Avoid:

Having to stand during an entire train journey

Explanation

A “Ticket” doesn’t assure you a seat. It just means you are allowed to take a train. If a train is crowded you may find yourself standing the whole way.

To get a reserved seat, but a reservation (Prenotazione) as well. This does assure you a seat.

For pedestrians unaccustomed to crossing steady streams of traffic, this can be a little scary. You end up having to rely on the driver’s ability to miss you. Here are two methods for crossing the street in Rome:

Creative Commons picture by permanently scatterbrained.

The Advanced Method:

1) Make sure that there is enough room for the oncoming traffic to see you

On many roads, you will never be able to get enough room to make it all the way across. Enough space for the drivers to see, and react, to you is the best you will get.

2) Steadily and confidently walk across the road

Drivers seem to like pedestrians to walk at a somewhat constant speed. Because this allows the drivers to predict where the pedestrians will be, the traffic is able to flow around those crossing the road.

The Tourist Method (the one I usually follow):

1) Find an old lady who is carrying some groceries home. Stand next to her and do exactly what she does.

With this method you don’t have to judge when you have enough room. You don’t have to figure out what the ideal walking speed is. You don’t even have to remain calm when a moped suicidally passes the car that slowed down for you.

1) Service Fee

It is not uncommon for Italian restaurant to charge for simply sitting at a table. In a sense you rent that little square meter of real estate. In my experience, service charges are around two euros per person.

Finding this on the bill has surprised quite a few Americans. Many of us are pretty used to the custom of paying “whatever I thought your service was worth.” But, in Italy many incredible restaurants are forced to operate out of small basement flats. The number of people they are able to seat (and thus how much business they can do) is limited by how willing drivers are to swerve around the tables they put in the road. These tables are only slightly less valuable than their reputation. By charging to use them the restaurateur is able to encourage people to watch where they sit and consider ordering to take away.

2) Drinks

You are expected to buy a drink. This makes less sense to me than the service fee. Complimentary water is about as common as alligator burgers and if you order water you will get (and be charged for) bottled water. If you want liquid, you must pay.

My attempts to order tap water were usually the beginning of a bad relationship between me and my waiter. I get a quick “no” and he gets the impression that he will be feeding a cheapskate.

3) Tipping

OK, so here is a part where you pay less at an Italian restaurant than an American one. The 15% or so tip that is common in the US is rarely done here. If there is a service fee, don’t tip. You already paid for service. If there isn’t a service fee, tips are sometimes left in the 5% range. All in all you usually just pay about what they ask you to.

However many of the iconic roman sites are pretty good at collecting money from tourists. There is the entrance fee, then the cost of the guide book or audio tour, then if you would like a guide to actually lead you around that will cost still more. Not to mention all the guys dressed up as gladiators yelling things like “hey baby, want to take a picture?” They also charge.

The solution to these problems? Churches. They are majestic, incredible, many of them were built only with manpower, and they often don’t charge entrance fees. Take that…other majestic places.

Many of the churches do suggest a donation. Such donations are usually drastically less than the required entry fees of other attractions. However, leaving one can be a good idea, as it can support the upkeep of the church.

As well as being cheaper, churches can even be a little more pleasant. It is highly frowned upon to stand outside these churches dressed as a priest while yelling “hey baby, want to take a picture?” at passing women.

Creative Commons picture by nikan_gr.

Even if you start your journey by leaving the most dangerous place on the itinerary, knowing how to call for assistance in the local tongue can provide peace of mind. Perhaps there will be a police officer nearby. You could also just pull a Blanche Dubois and rely on the “tripping foot” of strangers. Very few crowds are friendly to pickpockets and muggers.

To help you feel a little bit more comfortable at your destination here are 16 translations for the term “Help, Thief” as provided by Google’s translation capabilities.

Danish

hjælp, tyv!

Czech

pomoc, zloděj!

Bulgarian

помогне, крадец!

Dutch

help, dief!

Finnish

apua, varkaan!

French

aider, voleur!

German

Hilfe, Dieb!

Greek

βοηθήσουν, κλέφτης!

Hindi

मदद , चोर !

Italian

aiuto, ladro!

Norwegian

hjelp, tyv!

Polish

pomocy, złodziej!

Portuguese

ajudar, ladrão!

Russian

Пожалуйста, вор!

Spanish

ayudar, ladrón!

Swedish

hjälp, tjuv!

Creative Commons picture by fabbio.

In the previous SimplyLeave.com article we went over how to transport your money in such a way that it vanishes, now let’s look at three money-toting methods that encourage it’s persistence.

Creative Commons picture by infomatique.

3) Money Belt

Your crotch is pretty high on the list of “areas of your body that you instinctively protect.” Why not use your instincts to your advantage? When you carry money near your genitals, you will be surprised how fast you react to someone try to grab it.

Don’t use if:

You put ALL your money in there. It is embarrassing to have to root around in your crotch when you want to buy that candy bar in the airport. You can get arrested for that in some places.

Even beyond your pride, reach into your money belt all the time sacrifices one of it’s main advantages: that people don’t know you are keeping your money by the baby maker.

You are usually better off if you carry the things you will need frequently somewhere else.

2) Inside Your Boot (Under That Little Insert)

Inside your boot and under your foot is one of the most inaccessible non-body-cavity options you have. This inaccessibility is your shoe-safe’s biggest asset. I don’t even have to mention that you shouldn’t keep your short term money there. You just aren’t going to. Plus, imagine being a thief tasked with getting your fingers in there without the “mark” noticing. You would need an event more distracting than everyone else wearing see through clothes.

A plastic bag around your money is suggested.

Don’t use if:

You are transporting a faberge egg instead of paper money.

1) Credit

There are few things more secure than a worthless piece of plastic that provides only you with money. If someone else wants it enough to threaten you, give it to them. By US law you are only liable for $50 of unauthorized credit card charges. Many credit card companies even exceed this required level of protection and don’t hold you liable for any such charges. It does help the company if you let them know your card was stolen though.

Don’t use if:

You are headed to those remanding parts of the world that don’t accept credit. These are places like rural china and the drive in movie theater near my apartment here in the states.

Creative Commons picture by gruntzooki.

3) In An Open Purse, in Cash

A big wad of cash loosely stuck in an open purse is like a big red button with a sign that says “do not push.” Previously honest people will be tempted. Those who have spent the last few years working at a boring job will wonder if they could get away from it. Even a devout monk would get a rush of adrenaline looking at it. It is just so easy.

Extra points if:

You only hold one side of the purse, so gravity seductively pulls it open.

2) Cash Taped to Your Elbow

I have no idea how you would end up with cash taped to your elbow. But, I have a feeling that the story about why you have money taped to your elbow is worth far more than the actual money you could lose. As a result, I’m not wholly against this situation.

Extra points if:

You walk up to strangers, say numbers and expectantly wait for them to tell you if that is the amount you have taped to your elbow.

1) Ask a Stranger To Carry Some Cash For You

Truthfully this is just a somewhat mean donation. On the plus side you get to choose who gets the money. This way you can be reasonably confident that the person who gets it needs it. Unfortunately this particular donation comes with a side of guilt and a dash of shame.

Extra points if:

You tell them they have an “honest face” before you ask them to carry your money.