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People have been marooned in all sorts of crazy situations. Even some situations that resemble fictional stories like Wall-E’s. It seems as soon as we humans figured out the basics of sea-faring, we started stranding people all over the place. Even though those who made it back consistently report not liking it (with a few crazy exceptions). Go figure.

Here are four fictional “stranded” stories and their analogous real events.

Wall-E & Charles Barnard

Fiction - Wall-E

Wall-E is a little robot who is marooned on earth by the humans he is cleaning up after.

Real - Charles Barnard

OK, so this one isn’t a perfect analog. Charles Barnard isn’t an adorable robot. Everyone didn’t leave the planet without him.

However, Charles Barnard was marooned by people he was in the process of helping.

What happened?

Charles Barnard was the captain of a ship sailing in the Falkland Islands. He came across some shipwrecked sailors with whom he was technically at war (they were British, he was American, it was 1812). However, ol’ Charlie thought it cruel to leave them behind so he offered to take them to safety. However, adding extra people to the crew meant his ship didn’t have enough supplies to make the voyage. To solve the problem, he set out on a nearby island with some of his crew members to find some more provisions. While he was out, the shipwrecked sailors overpowered his crew and left. Thus beginning Charles Barnard’s 18 month stay on the uninhabited eagle island.

Jack Sparrow & Edward England

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Tipping Truth - There is no universal tip-based insult

Some think the best tip-insult is to not leave a tip. Rookie mistake. There are many countries where this is the norm. This is the polite way to deal with good service. In those situations, it is clearly a bad insult.

I know, for us tip-happy Americans it seems crazy. In some parts of the world people charge exactly the amount of money they want.

1 - Insult With a Large Tip in Japan

If you want to anger a service worker in Japan, leave a large tip. Twenty percent will probably be enough to shock them into a memorable state of irritation. A tip implies that they will only do their job correctly when given extra money. In some situations it also implies that the tipper now owns a part of the enterprise they tipped and expect to receive a percentage of the income every month. OK, I made that last one up.

The point is that tipping in Japan is an insult with finesse.

2 - Insult by Omitting a Tip in Chile

Not leaving a tip in a restaurant used to actually be a crime. I’m not talking in a metaphorical way either. There was a law against not tipping at least 10% at restaurants. Modern mean people need not fret though, that law was repealed in 1981. As far as I know, it is now completely legal to comment on the poor quality of an establishment’s waitstaff by not leaving a tip.

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New Zealand’s southern island is know for being an area of intense rugged natural beauty that is inhabited by actually penguins and fictional hobbits. While it is obvious how one should deal with fictional hobbits (make a movie) it is sometimes difficult to figure out how to deal with rugged natural beauty. Here is a quick look at some of the approaches made by the people of Dunedin in recent history.

Keep it & Build an Awesome Utopia

Some time around 1848 the Free Church of Scotland became overwhelmed by the feeling that Edinburgh, Scotland was WAY too cool of a place not to have a more utopia version in New Zealand. So, they founded Dunedin.

They chose a site of exquisite rugged natural beauty that was close to a good natural harbor and a peninsula inhabited by penguins It seemed almost impossible for such a wonderful place not to be a utopia. Hell, they even showed their great respect for Edinburgh by basing the name of the town on the Gaelic word for Edinburgh, Dùn ÈidÈideann.

Dig up and Sell the Shinny parts (aka “you sat on my utopia!”)

Not everyone agreed that the rugged natural beauty of the area was best utilized as a backdrop for a utopia that really liked Edinburgh. Read the rest of this entry »

1) Cutlasses were used here

This town has a rich history of pirate-era weaponry use. Mostly because it was an important Spanish treasure port during the pirate-era. In fact, that is really what put Portobelo on the map.

Every once and a while a bunch of Spanish would get together in the town, load an incredible amount of sliver on a bunch of boats, and decided to make a booze run to Spain.

2) Henry Morgan & A Can of Atrocity

Pissed that the Spanish were not buying his preferred brand of rum, Captain Henry Morgan attacked the town in 1668. He lead a band of 450 “defenders of rum’s honor” against the heavily fortified settlement. The dude actually pulled in off. He then spent 14 days committing atrocities.

Henry Morgan’s raid went down in history as one of the most successful and “I’m soooo glad I wasn’t there” pirate raids. The legend of Henry Morgan’s conquest was later heightened when Morgan scandalized the pirate world by admitting that he had plundered while drunk.
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Do you know why batman is so cool? Even beyond the “johnny cash with a secret identity and customized weapons” mystique. Batman decided he wanted to become more knowledgeable about the world, to learn the techniques of distant lands, and the ways of foreign cultures. Then he left on a trip around the world to do just that. He did it. “Screw the giant mansion with a butler and a swimming pool filled with champaign, I have a world to discover.”

We at Simply Leave have decided to find the facts you need to take a trip like batman’s, then mixing those facts with some funny lies. You might be able to tell the difference.